can we skip this whole “college” thing and go straight and go to the part where i have a really awesome job and spend all my time traveling?
A lot has been happening in my life the past couple months. I’ll try and sum some of it up.
First off, I’m not a virgin anymore! Still not sure how I feel about that but we’ll come back to that later.
I came out to 2 of my friends! It was so scary but it felt so good.
I think I’m slowly figuring out my “problems”. I used to think I had something like ADD or ADHD, but now I’m seeing that it’s more of anxiety/depression. Doctor prescribed something and I’m just seeing where it goes right now.
Alright back to the virgin thing! Around the middle of august, I went out with my friend spencer, his ex, and one of her friends named Kathy. Long story short, me and Kathy ended up fucking. It was really weird. Like I guess I enjoyed it kinda.
But idk. I’m not attracted to her AT ALL. And I don’t know too much about the pussy but she didn’t feel too tight. There were time I didn’t even know I was in there. Oh and I didn’t cum. It was weird but I figured out why. At that time I was a medication, and I looked up reviews and a couple ppl said they had problems orgasming. So yeah.
Now bigger problem.
This past weekend, I had my first experience with a guy. His name is Malik. He’s a roommate of my friend’s girlfriend. It kinda just happened out of nowhere. Like I didn’t know he liked guys but I kinda suspected and well he did too about me. But it happend after a night of all of us hanging out and drinking. He gave me his number and he went back to his place. He started texting me as soon as he got home. We started talking about how we wanted milkshakes. So I picked him up and we went to Cookout. Driving back, I move my hand to grab my milkshake, and he grabs it and puts it on his dick. My heart was beating sooo fast. Blah blah blah(me being nervous and awkward, not knowing what to say). We park back at his place and he grabs my face and we start making out….it was nice. Then he asks me to suck his dick. I tell him I’m nervous and I’ve never done this. But I do it and he’s still too drunk to get hard so he tells me to sit back and he starts on me. Well a side effect of this new medication, is also that I can’t get orgasm lol. Sooo yea nobody got off.
SN, he’s cute. Haha definitely leap up from Kathy.
Next night, he texts me again asking if I can come over. I do. Everybody is asleep. We go in his room and just lie in his bed. He kisses me and again asks me to give him head. I was less nervous this time. I stop and he returns, again I still can’t cum. But I go back down on him. He asks can he cum in my mouth….at first I’m like ew wtf. Lol but idk, I go along with it. He finishes and we clean up the little bit of mess. I lie back down and he tell me I should probably leave. He doesn’t want any of the roommates to see me leave in the morning. That really hurt my feelings. Idk why though. Neither of us are out so I don’t want that either but ugh idk. But I talk him into letting me stay till 8am.
Ever since that night I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel so stupid. Like I don’t think I want a relationship with him. Idek if I wanna keep “fooling around” with him. Idk what I want. It’s so confusing. I just really wanna kiss him some more haha.
Ugh well that’s what happening in my life. How are u guys? And any advice on this situation?